Life Story

Lazier than poo, always hungry, mad skills with weapons, Halo enthusiast, albino white, seemingly cursed, loves to boat, has very odd ipods, and yodels.

Lazier, hungry, mad skills with weapons, Halo enthusiast, cursed, boat, yodel, ipods.

Hungry, mad skills with weapons, Halo.

Mad Halo skills

Halo

I Remember

I remember pie.
It is delicious, and good.
I like to eat it.

I remember chess.
I totally suck at chess.
I always get smoked.

I remember work.
Teaching ax safety to scouts.
A "little" scary.

I remember times,
When "Power Rangers" was cool.
It is not cool now.

I remember hating poetry. Oh wait, I still do.

Journal Entry-Scene it

A council has been called. In the meeting, there are a bunch of dwarves, elves, men, two midgets, and an old man with a stick. They are discussing the fate of a shiny golden ring, which is the most evil thing ever. Different races start saying snarky stuff about everyone elses' race, and a fight erupts. One of the midgets freaks out, and sees flame devouring everybody in the band of the ring. The midget settles the dispute by yelling, "I will take it! I will take the Ring to Mordor!" The old guy with the stick winces, and everyone looks dumbfounded. A man, elf, and dwarf pledge their sword, bow, and axe to protect the little guy. Another midget suddenly bursts out of the brush and runs to the other midget's side. Then two more reveal themselves. The head elf looks pissed. The says, "So be it. You shall be the Fellowship, of the Ring!" and the epic music swells. One of the short ones responds with, "Great! So, where are we going?" His friend looks at him like he's a retard, and everybody in the audience laughs.

The End

Impulse 2

Ivan-What? Haven't you ever seen a midget before?!!!
Bill-Actually no, but that's not why I'm staring.
Ivan-Then what is it?
Bill-I recognize you
Ivan-I get that all the time. I'm never who people think I am.
Bill-I know I've seen you before.
Ivan-If you haven't seen a midget before, then you definutely haven't seen me before.
Bill-Iv'e seen you on TV somewhere.
Ivan-(Under breath) Crud...
Bill-Oh my gosh! You're that guy who punched the whale!
Ivan-Ugh.
Bill-I just have one question, why did you punch that peaceful creature?
Ivan-Don't you start! How was I supposed to know the thing would freak out and beach itself? And another thing, how did it even feel my midget punch? Whales have like 500 layers of fat!
Bill-Why though?
Ivan-50 bucks and all the pina coladas I could drink, that's why.
Bill-Whale puncher...
Ivan-Good day sir, I hope all your goldfish die.
(Ivan collects his coat, and leaves in a huff.)

Sketch

The cold nip of the wind nibbled on his cheek like a rat in Cheeto factory. The white of the snow burned his eyes, leaving a greenish blur in the center of his eye that came whenever he blinked. He could see the homely lodge in the distance, with a thin white trail of smoke drifting form the chimney. It called him, promising hot soup and chocolate. He accelerated down the slope going faster and faster, the wind felt like a sander on his cheeks, but he ignored it. Instead, he focused on the thrill of the speed, and the joy of making his skis obey his every command. He reached the bottom with burning, numb cheeks, and the rush of a lifetime. The lift beckoned, but he ignored it. The hot chocolate was louder.

Scene

Ted-What?
Mike-Nothing. Don't worry about it.
Ted-Ok
(Silence)
Ted-Hey man, could you pass the cookies?
Mike-No.
Ted-What? Why not?!
Mike-Those are my cookies.
Ted-What?! Those are every bodies cookies!
Mike-Nooooo, they're my cookies.
Ted- How are they your cookies?
Mike- We all got our bag of cookies, and you already snarfed yours.
Ted-Rob would share his cookies.
Mike-I'm not perfect like Rob!
Ted-I just want one.
Mike-Mine!
Ted-Real mature, I just want one!
Mike-Mine!
Ted-Come on! Stop being a jerk!
Mike-I may be a jerk, but at least I'm a happy jerk with a bag full of cookies.
Ted-You seriously can't just give up one?
Mike-I will crash this car into a semi if you don't stop bugging me!
Ted-You're bluffing.
Mike-Hmmmm...
Ted-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Ok, fine I'll stop asking for cookies!
Mike-That's bett- Oh crud. This is your fault!
Police Officer- Sir step out of the vehicle with your hands on your head.
Mike-I hate you.
Ted-I just wanted cookies!

First Page

Getting Back to Basics, Forever


"Victory dance time!" Dr. Freidricks or "Dr. Freak" as he was know by his colleagues, launched into a Michael Jackson moonwalk and ended with an equally Jackson-esque pelvic thrust. His assistant Enrico, walked into the lab just as the finale was happening. He merely shook his head, and kept walking. That's just how Enrico rolled. He had been "Dr. Freaks" assistant for five years, and had borne all of the good Dr.'s increasingly odd behavior with all the patience in the world. Dr. Freidricks, stopped his victory dance, coughed, and then rushed to Enrico blurting out, "ENRICO! I've finished it! My time machine is complete!" He gave Enrico a hug, and walked back to the time machine humming a tune like the whole thing never happened. Enrico shook his head and likewise went on his way as if the whole thing never happened. That's just how they rolled.

Dr. Freidricks had been working on this time machine in a frenzy ever since his wife died, he wanted to go back and stop her from dying. When his wife died, his behavior become increasingly erratic and even more bizarre. As time went on, he became even more obsessed with completing the time machine, until he had alienated himself from the world. A world that sadly, contained his pregnant daughter Jane, and her husband Bill. His crazed quest was over, he had finally unlocked the secrets of time. It was the moment when he'd see his wife again. Dr Freidricks climbed into the time machine. "Enrico!" He said as the hatch was closing, "Do me a favor, and kill my goldfish." With that odd parting request, and a flash of light, "Dr. Freak," was gone. Enrico just shook his head, and kept walking. That's the way he rolled.