A friend of mine has died recently. I have no idea how or why it happened, all I know is that a wonderful person and a good man is now gone. I had the privilege of attending a memorial service to comemorate and celebrate his life. During the service, those who mourned had the opportunity to say what was on their mind, and in their hearts... I hope what I shared helped, but what was said by others helped me more. My friend left his mark on the world and in each of those attending, he left a sort of legacy that defies even death. Several people talked about the mark that he made during his life, and pointed out that we have that kind of power as well. With that power comes a realization. I want to leave this world a better place than it was before.
The gift I'd like to give... is My mark on the world.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I like it (short and sweet is my style) but you might want to make it longer if you are going to enter it into the contest.
ReplyDeleteGood. I like how I can relate in a sense that when people are struggling, and you say something that could help, what other people say always has a greater effect.
ReplyDeleteWhat is your "mark"? Maybe you could describe how you can make a difference in this world.
Andy Roddick
Here's what I read, noticed. What stood out to me: that your friends death really affeected you. your words sound like painful hurt. you can tell that you were devistated.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I think you were trying to do: i think you were trying to show that you never know when your last day will be to live so live it out and make the most of it. thats what i thought you meant to at least.
Here's a suggestion of how you could make it better: i think if you included what your mark would be that it would make it a more powerful piece. what you could do? say? make? to make your mark.
What I read was that going through the situation of your friends death had an impact in your life and that you looked up to him as an example.
ReplyDeleteWhat I think you were trying to do: Remember your friend and try to continue to do what he was doing! I thought that was great!
Suggestions: I think just make it a little longer. Expand on what your mark in the world could be or talk about how is made a mark in the world.
I loved the part when you said your gift, "The gift I'd like to give...is My mark on the world."
ReplyDeleteIt really was inspiring to me.
I thought you were trying to use a personal story to expand on your reason for your gift. That was a clever way to begin.
I think you maybe could expained a little bit more on how u will leave your mark. And maybe how you believe it will effect other people.
it hard to lose a friend close to you. i feel for you! I love how you say your going to mark up dis world! it shows heart.
ReplyDeleteI think you are going to remember you friend as a leader and a good example! He will live on through his loved ones.
Leave your mark? are you going to write it in sharpie?? what is going to happen with this?
What I read: This is a very personable gift. I think everyone wants to make a difference, and you seem to capture that ideal very well.
ReplyDeleteWhat I think you were trying to do: I think you were trying to use personal experience to introduce this idea of "leaving a mark on the world".
Suggestions: This is a good piece. What I would suggest is that you make it longer; even though there is no minimum word limit, it's probably good to remember this is a maximum 1000-word essay. I would remove and replace the elipsis between "heart" and "I hope", but that's really up to you.
This piece gave me goose bumps. I really enjoyed reading this and it was amazing. I would include what you said at the memorial service. What are you going to do to leave your mark on the world? What type of mark do you want on the world? Who do you want to affect?
ReplyDeleteHere is what I am getting even though this man has passed away. He leaves this legacy that people remember the ways he changed their lives and you also want to leave a mark.
ReplyDeleteHow are you going to leave you mark?
I feel it need more length but, I also feel you will acheive this by explaining your mark.
I liked how honest you were about it, and how it felt like you were opening yourself up
ReplyDeleteBe more specific on how you could give this, examples on how you have done it, on how he made a mark on you. stuff like that. quality stuff though. made me thing about what mark i am leaving.
I like how you wait til after your introduction to present your gift you'd like to give... Maybe try adding on to your introduction just to touch it up.
ReplyDelete